Friday, February 26, 2010
And You Thought I Have a Bad CV
I still remember the day 16th August 2006 when we were given warm reception from some Senior Scientist, for showing immense encouragement for choosing a different path called IISER. One Senior Scientist told that the concept of IISERK would be successful if one of the 38 students became a good scientist. As all I thought I was the one. Never thought what would happen to others. We few friends still celebrate this day by taking annual photo session in front of City Centre.
I never think that joining IISER was bad decision. I always feel proud to be an IISERian. Wherever I get chance I try to spread positive feelings of IISERK by proudly telling them I study in IISERK showing my hard work and sincerity. I have never thought about my future as I think that when we are getting best education why you should worry about future.
"You must have a bad CV that's why you failed to get." Our beloved director replied when I told that I was not selected for DAAD. True Sir, I have a very modest CGPA of 8.36. I did not showed to inclination towards studies in first two years. I did not declare in first year that I loved a particular subject and thus I was harming the spirit of IISER. You were right those who openly declared in the first semester itself that they would take any particular subject after 2 years. I was harming the spirit of IISER by not choosing any particular subject at start of 1st year. I had thought we should take try to understand all subjects them choose the subject of most interest at the end though I had loved Chemistry the most since Higher Secondary days. I did not apply for KVPY. Sometimes I repent to think that I followed the word of some faculty member who taught us that CGPA did not matter. But what we at present see that only CGPA counts. Definitely something was wrong with me.
But as soon as I realized my goal, I was involved in it with my heart and soul. I had worked hard from that day sincerely. I had spent all my summers and winter learning and gaining experiences. Though my mother always complained that she missed me much and I should stay with her. I was a fool who spent struggling day and night so that one day everyone will recognize me. Due to my work in whole 2nd year and following summer I learnt the art of handling wet chemistry, I received Prestigious Summer Fellowship to work at the Phosphorous Lab at IIT Bombay. I did not require any recommendation from any faculty at IISERK to get that. In the alien environment I worked hard and in end I earned their love and affection.
Let me tell you an incident. One Night (around 1 am) I was working at the laboratory. One Research Scholar from different lab came worried in our lab asking for help. He was stuck doing an experiment using Fluorospectrometer and he had got the only that night slot to finish that experiment. There was no one to help him. Nobody in our lab or in whole Chemistry and Chemical Engineering department at that moment I volunteered as last semester I had done project in fluorospectrometry. I was able to help him. Though his problem was small, he shook hands with me and asked name of my institute. This was proud IISERK moment.
I believe in learning the art involved in my field that is why I worked in Research Lab. In the field I was assisting there was no guarantee for any success, but I kept working to learn. I even for long time did not knew about publications.But now I have completed work for two publications in my institute. I can have publications anytime. Until recent time I was helping in working for the third one. But I quit it. I did project in spectrofluorometry as I were unware about how this filed worked. Working in this project have given me confidence to look around the current research going in this field. I had good results in this project. How often I hear that we did not participate in any Co-Curricular activities. I am good in managing Co-curricular activities; guys from my school know it. But here I find other students to eager to organize it. So, I have left all responsibilities on their able shoulders. My roommate tells me they are additions to you CV. I tell him I have enough to keep my CV floating. I have not enrolled myself in any club because I am busy in with my 2 clubs namely Class club and Lab Club. Professors tell that we know very little in chemistry that is why I am taking audit classes so that I can be sound in my field.
I am not brilliant student but what I do well from my school days is follow rules. If institute/professors set some rule I follow it. You will rarely find on other side of rules. In this process I do not care about marks. In first two years professors did not give me internal marks as I bunked the classes and they would tell you have not participated in class discussions. I was having problem in understanding what was going on. Professors were coming, giving lecture and going. No one had the time to ask what was happening with us. Even I tried to improve I got 78 in 4 subjects and 88 in one in 4th semester. But as soon as I got professors who believed in my capabilities I took no time to climb the ladder. But now when I participate in discussion there are no marks for that. Officially I have a missed single class for the last year.
I really wanted to get DAAD fellowship. I had planned to that one day I might be a worker in field of Nanoscience. I was personally inclined to do PhD. I am learning handling Nanocatalysis. I had planned to do a project in Nanobiology in fifth year and to learn about Nanoelectronics in this summer at Institute of Karlsruhe, Germany to complete the spectra of Nanoworld. As if you will be with me you will know I am a good planner. I plan all my activities and schedule before hand that's why I do not feel pressure before the exam. I still pack my notebook before going to sleep as I used to do in my school. I had spent around 20 days for searching my potential guide. I was not one the Privileged ones who had to tell to some professors and they arranged everything for them. I would not say that my 20 days were wasted away as in this process I have learn about the higher education system of Germany. I am very happy that my mentor has told me to plan my fifth year project myself. Hopefully I will not disappoint him.
My friends tell me why you did not have the backup plan. You were overconfidence. I believed in my hard work that is constituted in CV. This should be reflected along your CGPA but you inclination towards your field. But I did not understand the importance of recommendations. Recommendations should just show the genuineness of the person. After I got the news I sent my CV to head of R&D of company whose profit is Rs 3434 crores and next day she replied that she could try to accommodate me next summer. That's the power of my CV. Why should I trade my CV?
"Believe Believe Believe" - Swami Vivekanand
Sunday, February 21, 2010
My Name Is Khan: Movie Review
Kajol performance was fabulous. She succeeded in portraying a person who had lost love and it was hard for her to accept from anyone. Still she was joyous, no one can understand how much cosmopolitan of suffering from. She finally accepts not only Rizwan but also his title, as she felt he loved her the most. That was important.
Kids performance was good enough as his attitude like a modern kid was to hid all his troubles. I did not expect the effort Karan Johar had put in the movie. The vastness and sketching was awesome. Yes the movie was slow and long but once you are absorbed to the character you will enjoy it.
The most heart touching part of the movie was the narration by Rizwan. Amitabh Ji has now competition in this field too. How often we also like to share our feelings to someone you love like Rizwan did..
In short
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Tweet Poem #1
Friends are your wheels.
What u need is The key!
Image © Priyadarshi 2010
Saturday, January 23, 2010
She came, she saw, she conquered
Why am I telling you all these dreams? Sometimes you have the same feelings. No, I am not going to continue with my imagination and let you think about my impractical dream. Let me tell you about my date with Piya. You are all inquisitive minds will be thinking how Ankit can, a shy guy who cannot even stare into eyes of a girl even dare to date a girl? On the first place you will be thinking how I could find out this girl?
It was late October last year. We, gang of five buddies were returning from Yamuna Bank in Delhi Metro after a regular weekend stroll in City Walk Mall. It was late evening, all were tired up. At Rajendranagar, a girl sat on my right side. In these situations your telepathy became strong. You could hear your friend's telling you loud enough "Hey Dude, It's your Lucky day, you have hottie near you." I tried to see her face, hardly saw it. Locks of hair covered her face. I had never trusted my friends' eyes. I could see that she was carrying a black handbag and my favorite book "The Fountainhead". As train moved on she started reading the book, and my friends became drowsy and slept. It was the moment I wanted to trust eyes of my friends and somehow to contact her. I took out my mobile carefully and flashed my own number several times. All in vain; she was engrossed in the book. I was getting impatient, even cursed the book. We reached our destination. I was disappointed. At my room I saw a miss call. I was excited. What made her to call me? Probably she saw me giving a peacock feather to a poor child while coming down the train. It was not important then.
Being a shy guy I had never courage to call her back. SMS after SMS proceeded by chat sessions. Online chatting is boon for a guy like me. I could show that I was smart and intelligent. I tried winning her confidence. I was quite naïve in this whole chatting. Sometimes I expressed my emotions too much. This was my turnoff. That's why I took three months to ask her for a date. She agreed but insisted that it will be short one and she did not felt comfortable in the city. I felt dishearten wanted to go all the places in City Walk as I had thought in my dream. But the flip side was I had a date. She had earlier told me she liked to visit a village fare. I told her about an ongoing village annual fare near our campus. Date and time was fixed.
It was long wait in winter evening. I had put my best dress and had reached the bus stop an hour before the scheduled time. She was dressed in pink salwar suit. It was for the first time that I saw her. She had the face I had imagined. Lock of hair was playing on her cheek; her ears having those pretty earrings adored her. Her dimple and look of the eyes mesmerized me.
"Hi Ankit, seems that you are waiting from long time."
She told me before I could have asked her anything.
What could had I told her? I was engrossed in seeing her lips moving? I gave her a smile in return. I never had courage to talk to any girl. How could I continue our conversation? As we were moving towards the fare venue with sudden rush of blood in vein I asked her.
"Last time you told me that you were about to finish reading the Fountainhead. Have you finished reading it?"
"Yes."
"You took long time to read it."
"I am slow reader." she replied meekly.
"I finished reading it in a week. It is a great novel, my favorite. I liked Howard Roark character. I want to be as ideal as him." I was proud as if reading novel was very easy job for me and I had completed reading a lot of books.
She giggled. We entered the fare. It was small village fare where few stall of pheriwallahs flocked by villagers, few stalls of local entertainment items like shooting, some selling local handicrafts, bangles and had a merry go round. It was a total chaos. Shopkeepers were shouting, mother was beating her crying child, a loudspeaker announcing about the dance program in the evening. I could not look around, I did not want her to feel that I was ignoring her. It will be the last thing. She pointed me to Golgappawallah. Golgappas were spicy. She hardly ate three. I was trying to be cool, ate twelve. It was enough for me. Tears started to roll from my eyes. I bought two cans of soft drink. She insisted that she did not drink soft drink.
As we approached near to the stall where you have to shoot balloons to win a prize, I stopped. In my childhood, my father had a gun which was used to target birds. I had learnt how to target. The shopkeeper told me I had five trials to shoot and target was the innermost layer of the balloon. Prize was an adorable Doll. It was again the time for me to impress her. I failed in the first three trials. At this moment I realized that the doll was my Olympic Gold medal and I had only two chances to grab it. Pressure was mounting on me. I missed the inner layer by a whisker. Olympic medal was eluding me. This was my last chance. Focus! Oh! No; I missed it again. I felt sympathetic to fellow Indian athletes who never won Olympic medal. She told me we should move out she was not feeling comfortable.
As we moved out the fare I started the conversation again. Basically I was the one who was talking and talking. She was regularly nudging in approval. She was showing keen interest in my rubbish talk. I tried to flatter her with all my achievements. We had moved outskirts in the village. We decided to return. This time we were both quite; feeling the cold of the harsh winter evening. She would seldom tell about her family and the things she wanted to do.
As we approached the fare ground again, she told it was time she should return. I wanted to spare more moment, I loved every second I was with her. I insisted for a ride on merry go around. She approved. As we approached back to the merry go round I glimpsed the doll again and felt the guilt of losing it. I had fear from height but I was excited to be with her. Old memories flashed. I had feared from height when I had climbed a hill in Mahabaleshwar and another time on the edge of Lion's point at Khandala. As the wheel started to move I felt nibble.
"Piya!, I fear from height." I told her.
She touched my hand, pressed softly to soothe me.
"You are an idiot." She started to tell me.
"If you feared from height you should have told me. you are behaving foolishly of late. "
"I know why you eagerly wanted to win that doll? "
"Someone has rightly told you come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly. "
"If you try to find out perfect match for yourself in world you have to wait forever. People often fell in love with other. They see in other what they do not have. Opposite poles of the magnet attract each other. "
"I do not want my partner to be a perfect one. I even do not want him to be intelligent and smart. What I want is that he must understand my feelings. Be my pillar of support whenever required. Never leave me lonely when I need the most. "
"Yes, I like you." I could feel the sea of silence beneath me. My feet and hands were feeling the cold.
"I like you not because you are intelligent or smart. I like you as you are the one who believes in me. I have been in relationship with other boys in the past. It is not that they were not smart. They were always showing their strengths and never talked their heart out."
"Sometimes I do not like your emotional talk. But when I think about them later, I feel that you reach out at my heart. You compel me to tell about myself. "
Her eyes were straight into mine. They were telling "I do not want you to be an ideal one. I love you as you are. " I could feel the warmth of her hand and her breath.
How could I change myself? The whole life I tried to be ideal one- ideal son, ideal brother, ideal friend, ideal student and even ideal boyfriend. This girl in few moments has shattered all my narow minded thinking. It was as if I was living in glass house and someone had thrown stone on it. I was living in a fool's paradise.
At this moment we were at the top of the circle and there was a power cut. The moonlight crescended her beautiful face. The cool breathe coming out was mystifying the whole atmosphere.We were completely lost deep inside each others eyes. All the hands of the clock had momenterally stopped. These feelings were the most beautiful things which could be only felt by the heart.
I did not realize when the power came back and we had come down. I was totally enervate and all my memory cells were dried up.
When my senses returned her bus had already moved far away from me. I did not realize until then that I loved her too.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Deciphering the Sound (Part I)
Last day Nishant (my rommie) told me "You have good taste in music, you can find out which song is good quickly." I blushed at this compliment. Well at this moment let me tell you my true story.
I had a bad taste in music during my school days. In Vidyalaya you had to learn singing or playing tabla. In other words you can tell they were credit courses. I had never sung and had bad memory for learning the songs. I had tried my talent while singing in Prayer hall (which we used to have every morning and evening) and quite often I would find myself out of phase to rest of the band. In one Saraswati Puja (in seventh standard) break when all the talented singers had gone home and we few outsiders had no choice but to stay back, I had shown courage. I had seen my friends playing harmonium and I had remembered how they stroked his fingers on harmonia in playing mantras. I took down the harmonium, and played the mantra. After the prayers was over I found out all my friends were laughing and they told me my hands motion was good but my singing was really out of tune. I was not giving nodes. I had sung the whole mantra in one breath. Silly! Billy!
So I had taken Tabla in my course work. My friends who had some idea playing Tabla earlier on were comfortable. I tried a lot, perhaps never from my heart to learn Tabla and was never able to play it well. My way of playing Tabla was always out of context. In first few months teachers were helpful. But after most of the classes I used to get scoldings and my ears would turn red. Sometimes when we had blind teacher teaching us, some of us tried to cheat also. I used to pass their tests anyhow telling that next year I would try to perform better. I had have to suffer for 3 years and still I was a novice. They used tell me learn then and when you ouldbe grown up, you would try to relax, ease out your tensions, enjoy playing Tabla. Now I feel I was fool and how true they were.
I had distaste of music in my childhood. I agree that in my school days I thought music as the items which killed time.
Now when you are in college, you come across different people having different taste of music. You can search and play your any music on YouTube. You can download all the Bollywood songs and rock bands albums (even the discographies). You can hear music every time, sometime soft and sometime loud, you love it or hate it. Sometimes I play music in room loudly, probably telling my roomies this nice song we should all hear it. :P. I find the world of music quite soothing in this fast college life where you are in race. You will think that you are lagging behind, no one is following you, conspiring against you, all Profs. are disapproving you in all matters, too much tension during exam time, whole world is going against you. It is music which soothes you and rejuvenates you. I have another bad logic to listen logic. If you want to relax why not watch a movie. Again, movies are long and you do not much time. It's like quick soup to quench your sudden rush of adrenaline. Still I do not much understand the rhythm and unable to remember all the songs. Now I love to share music and much passionate to hear fine tunes striking your ear and taking you completely in new world. I often like to hear one particular band at a time. But as time goes by I get bored and switch to other, I find out new one and then I like it too. I often wonder can any song thrill me more this current one, but I find out another song which as melodious as the before .
Let me share with you names my current favorite bands (I love some Bollywood numbers too. But here I am enlisting only foreign bands. This is good for me as after some time I can just see how my taste of music changes. This does not mean that I like all their songs. But it's good you should try to hear all albums at once to have a feel. Based on the no. of songs * no. of times I have played from their album in last 6 months.)
- Roxette
- Bryan adams
- Pink Floyd
- Coldplay
- The Cranberries
- Madonna , Linkin park
- Nelly Furtado
- Jack Johnson
- The Eagles
- Dido, Michael Jackson
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Spending My Time
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
The Other Sides
Well for most of us life seems so obvious that we have become too monotonous and we start thinking that "Vanity of vanity, all is vanity there is nothing new under the Sun" but this winter I experienced some very common things and thoughts but when I pondered over them I thought I better share them. These are small incidents or rather small experiences which give me perspective of different kind of people and somewhat changed my thinking.
Well let me start with my experience with last semester as an ordinary student I had always dreamt to be a topper. I tried a lot from my childhood, most of the time I just wanted to go through all the chapters, without much understanding everything. I never succeeded to be at the top. In IISER too I suffered inferiority complex and had the zeal but the will was missing. But here as the Professors gave me confidence and with well planning and intelligence I slowly gained confidence. Now I realized that I should clear all my doubts, think more rationally, be positive and be sincere. Slowly I rose to the occasion. I had realized I have to read to understand and not for marks. This reflected in my CGPA. Good students do not study to get marks but they like to read and love to think about what they learn and that's the beauty of it. They do not have pressure but rather Love to share what they learn. Now I do not want to be at the top, I just want to learn and relish what I am learning.
While my father was going to poling station at 4 a.m. ,one police constable asked ". Itni thandi bhor main Chai nahin chalega, Sir."(Will you not order some tea in this cold morning.) When my father ordered tea for them other said "Sir, khali pet sirf chai sahi nahin sir, ektho biscuit bhi to dila dijiye." (Tea is not good for empty stomach; please tell them to serve some snacks too.) On the first week of the vacation I was at home and the Election Commission of India(ECI) had made my father sector officer for the ongoing elections. I came to know about the real people who were behind the elections. They were school teachers, clerks. Their conditions were pityful. Their cheeks were shallow and had shawls and blankets as they had been passed through generations. It seems they hardly get any penny for living. Prior to elections they have to go to ECI offices for training. Before 1 month their preparations would start. Still I wondered how they would be able to conduct biggest dance of democracy. Before 1 day of the election they had to remain in clusters and had to wake up early morning and work tediously up to night. They are even not provided with proper food and water. Police who was provided the same, seemed so novice, lousy. I was wondering how they were going to save my father with some fifty years old, blunt rifle with the terrorist having modern Chinese made Semi automatic and automatic devices. They were moving in vehicles as we see in fevicol advertisement. It was a pitiful site. ECI shows they are spending crores in every election but probably we all know where the money is going.
Seeing the backbenches empty, my fellow said "Akhir Gene to IISER hin ka hai"("Gene belonged to IISERian"). I will come back to this comment. I went to New Delhi to attend a workshop on Nanotechnology (IJWBME2009). Why I am bothering to write about another seminar ? We bunk them at our Institute. Why is this under this title? I am still the listener. Was I delivering any presentation? No, dear I was only participating. This subject was close to my heart. I am interested in Nanochemistry. These series of seminar gave me a glimpse of what recent works are going on sensing and electronics world with Nanotechnology. Japanese delegates told how their country and industry was helping in financing their research. Can you imagine Japanese Govt. and Industry spends about 0.5 million dollar on each research scholar? Most of the public was absent in most of the seminar as usual. and overcrowding during high Tea and Lunch. Most of the participants who had just come to participate (sitting idly in the back benches, chatting) in workshop were from IISER Pune and IISER Kolkata. In starting you will find all these benches filled up but suddenly they were empty. Justifying the nature IISERians...
In the cold winter early morning, we few IISERians and few Japanese delegates were standing infront of fire created by burning branches by the gatekeepers. The girl asked the Japanese "Who are you?" The Japanese was amused. He smiled and took out his Identity Card and showed to girl and wittingly told the girl "Well, I do not think you have attended the workshop. I am the co-chairman for this workshop." Adding to discussion he asked her when she woke up. "4:30 am, Sir.""Well, its quite surprising as Indians are not punctual."He was right at that moment as the bus which was suppose to leave at 5 am for Agra had bot arrived till 7 am. While on the Journey the Japanese delegates were amused to see mud houses, the garbage. They sprang to their feet when they saw snake charmer playing snakes. We reached Agra at 1 pm. We were quite hungry, though the bus driver had stopped the bus a luxurious hotel for breakfast for large commission. Delegates had costly servings. Meanwhile we were supurised to see simple metallic chess board costing Rs. 39000 only. This time felt I we Indians were taking our revenge from foreigners for they had looted during British Raj.
We had quick snacks, headed to see the Grandeur Taj. It was crowdy Sunday. I would say as I viewed Taj mahal, obiviously I had no words to describe the magnificent white marble scaffold being the epitome for Love for centuries. Taj Mahal was the dream every lover had for signifying that his love was no less than the Great Mogul Shah Jahan. We often find portrait of Prime Minister and President of such and such coutry sitting infront of Taj Mahal in front page of newspapers. I had also dreamt the same. This time I got the chance. But as novice I forgot to put the charm in my face thats why my photo does in papers. I bowed for hard work and the effort had been done to make the magnificent beauty in 22 years. I felt little uncomfortable. While my friends were busy in striking poses, I felt uncomfortable. Was I missing someone? I was getting emotional. While on return journey I had headache.
"Yaar, how do you have lost your mobile twice in 6 months.How careless you are?" I had asked one of my friend. Due to my carelessness I lost my mobile while boarding a crowded bus. Earlier I had always felt pity that how can one loose his mobile. Then again I was on other side again feeling the pain as if I had lost my Identity. Now I have got my number using duplicate sim card in new mobile.
Remaining days I enjoyed with my sister who was always complaining that I never had time to come to meet her in Gurgaon. Someone told me "You should pray that in next life you have a plot in Gurgaon."Gurgaon as the name suggest is really a village where there are people apart from leaving in their lousy apartment live. They are really poor. Reports tell about Gurgaon as new planned metropolitan. It has large malls well planned apartments. But everybody in Gurgaon is not rich and famous. Those who work in other homes for their living and the labourers engaged in building skyscraper are really poor and their conditions are pathetic. Unless their conditions were not getting better Gurgaon would remain Gurganwa.
I went to some tourist places in Delhi with my sis. She took some wonderful pictures.

Picture courtesy : http://www.mynameiskhanthefilm.com/